Patricia Danielle

right now, its june 7th. at about 512pm. and right now, right now work is really hard. 

another meeting story:

yesterday, during my monthly manager/director meeting, the director who was leading the meeting kept going around the room, calling on people to share their opinions on whatever the topic was.

now, i know i am being paid to think for this company, but sometimes, i just want to be told what to do. sometimes i dont want to give ideas and thoughts and opinions. hard to believe, i know. call me a communist, but sometimes i just want someone in charge to say, ‘here’s what we are going to do. here’s how we are going to do it. and here’s the impementation date. ready? break!’ 

meetings and teleconferences 14 of the last 22 days of work have left my own work back in the office a crazy mess. there is so much to do and no real clear cut, organized way to complete it. instead, i like pareto’s principle states, have been spending 80% of my time on the really unimportant stuff, getting only 20% of what is required, accomplished.

and i noticed something of real importance just a week or so ago. you see, i wake up at about 5:10…5:15. and im up. up and out of the house within 15 min to go to the gym or out running. in the car i try to listen to 710am espn talk radio with mike and mike in the morning….but that only comes in sometimes. when it is just too fuzzy to understand anything, and usually, at that point only, will i hook up my ipod to my radio and blast something fun and danceable…..something like ‘dancin with myself’ by billy joel, or ‘footloose’ by some 80’s guy. then the stage is set, because you see, at these 545am classes at the gym, it’s all about working hard and having fun. yes, i am one of those people having ‘fun’ at 545 in the morning! smiling and laughing, i have become a true morning person.

im the one at the office whom, as everyone is wiping their eyes of sleep, am running around in a high pitched voice saying ‘good morning my little lizards!!!’ (i have become my father!) but in reality, the energy starts from the moment i walk out the door at home all the way through to the end of the work day which can be 6 or 8 or 9pm. and ive realized it takes a toll on me and on my body. its exhausting to be happy and cheery and motivating and energized ALL DAY LONG. but at work, its so worth it. i want to spend everyday in an environment like that, and i have some to realize that as far as my team is concerned, that environment starts with me.

but let me tell you, at the end of the day i am shot. i dont have anything left to give. im spent. and ive noticed it most now that my parents are living in the same house as me. before they moved in, my roommate shannon (who works for me) and i would come home from work or the gym, fix dinner, go into our rooms, eat dinner and watch tv or read, and get ready for the next day, then go to sleep. there was/is hardly any interaction because we are both mentally and physically and emotionally done for the day. but now my parents are home. theres a really fine line between wanting some privacy and being rude. between keeping to myself and being a brat.

most of the ‘it’ comes from living again in the same house as my parents. i love them. talking to them from a far was so easy. id call when there was time. when there was stuff to talk about. they didnt know everything. or every single place i was. what time i left in the morning. what time i got home. if i even came home. if i got mail. whom i got it from. that my tires are low. what im eating. what i dont have in the refrigerator. if im watching tv. that i have a brake-light out. that i dont have a key for the mail-box and dont care if i do………………………….the list goes on and on and on.

and really, who cares. well, other than me. this stuff is so unimportant in the long scheme of things. i know that. what is important is the things i say. how i say them. when i say them. and that has everything to do with me. the bible says that out of the heart the mouth speaks. and i want my heart to show love and encouragement and thankfulness and kindness and positivity. it certainly isnt doing this when i get home at night and see my parents the very second i walk in the door. nope.

so. ive gone to god. to change my heart. which will change my words. which will change how i see things. which will change the way i react to things. because i still need and love my parents. without them, how would i know how to talk to my cousin amanda about all that is going on? and how would i know that in football, overtime starts on the 25 yrd line, and each side gets even tries to score points? not without them. not without them.

i drink a LOT of water. we’re talkin’ more than a gallon a day. really. which means i have to pee. A LOT.

but i also have to be in my office to take student calls and be there for all the other craziness.

so i find myself putting off going to the bathroom to pee. which is know is horrible. it causes bladder infections. ouch.

so, sometimes, as im waiting and waiting and waiting, not by choice of course, to get up and go to the bathroom, i talk to myself:

“youre going to be ok. dont get a bladder infection. ill drink extra cranberry for you today. i promise ill go the very next second i feel i need to…..just DONT GET A BLADDER INFECTION.”

thus far its been very productive!

I got a string of emails about this today. I love political talk. Attached was a picture of the guy on the cover of Mad Magazine morphing into George Bush. This is what followed:

jason: Oh, the guy from Mad magazine saved us from being taken over by terrorists!!!  That is interesting!!!  

andrew: No, the guy from MAD magazine would have have done a lot better job at dealing with that situation. Plus he’s a lot smarter.

rebecca: I agree!  I collect Mad magazines and when I look at George W. I want to vomit.  I would prefer not to compare the two! 

jason: wow!  I love the anti American attitude!!! 

andrew: Actually, I would say we’re demonstrating a lot more American attitude than you, who follows whatever the Republican party tells him.

jason: Lol - nice one.  It is either the republicans or the socialists though.  I dont really feel like giving my whole paycheck away in taxes or speaking another language when we are taken over

andrew: You’re right Jason, those are the only two options. You’re either socialist or Republican. I guess we can’t be a country that does what’s right for the citizens, while maintaining a conservative financial system. We have to take Americans over to the middle east to get killed because of one family’s political dream. You were right, there was one reason that we over there as we speak and that is oil and lots of it. And how can you say that this President is doing what is right for this country when 70% of Americans disapprove of his behavior. 

jason: You guys are right.  Hussein should still be in power, I should be taxed more so my money can be re-distributed to someone who wont work, we shouldn’t try to listen to suspected terrorists phone calls (cause then how could they attack us and have Americans protest their own country), Tookie Williams should have been set free, illegal immigrants should come in by the millions, The UN should dictate our future, and we should get rid of Christmas….
 

That is the belief of the common liberal in 2006.

andrew: See Jason, you can only see 2 sides of any story. For you, it’s either Black or White (Liberal or Republican), gray doesn’t exist in your world. On the contrary, I would say most Americans fall in between your
Grand Canyon size spectrum of politics (socialists to ultra conservatives).

rebecca: I’ve been biting my tongue because I’m quite enjoying this, but I must say that there are more than two parties out there and although it may be lame, we still have the opportunity to vote for at least a third party.  What is most sad is that I feel as though voting on a national level just does not seem to matter any more.  Even if we still had free and fair elections, we are still voting for the lesser of the two evils.  I feel as though most Americans do fall in the gray area that Andrew suggested.  Perhaps we need to organize ourselves and quit bitching about what is happening to the country and what our country to doing to other countries as we sit here and watch and instead rise up and revolt against the things that we are letting happen to our country.  (Why do I have a feeling I’m going to have to move to Canada?  Eh?)   

i just called down to the student resource center to let the person working down there, that i am the late night administrator and ill be here until 8pm, even though i got here at 8am. thats 12 long-hard hours that ive been working today….since i didnt take a lunch. once we get fully staffed, ill be able to go back to taking lunches. for now, its a garden burger heated up in the microwave, an apple, and a can of tuna. a 5 point lunch.

after i told him that ill be here till 8, he said “between you and me, youre the hardest working person in the place.” i sarcastically said “oh great.” he reassured me with “i call it like i see it.”

and yesterday, as some drastic changes at work went into place, changes that are going to throw off goals and some of the other things we have been working really hard at, my counselors started complaining about it. about how much extra work is accumulating because of these changes. work that really shouldnt be theirs. i started to feel myself getting hot. and angry. so i walked out of my office and put a stop to the complaining. thank goodness they all agreed that we were better off without the complaining. plus, i dont think theyve seen me that frustrated yet. so they knew i was serious. later on in the day, one of my counselors saw me in the kitchen heating up my garden burger and told me “things are going to be ok. we’ll get caught up. you run a really tight ship and everyone here spends the whoel day working. at the learning center i worked at before, we spent 1/2 the day goofing off. even though we had double the amount of people working that we do here, we got 1/2 the amount of work done.”

a really tight ship. ok.

so im running a tight ship and im the hardest working person in the place…..and i guess, i agree with both. i love working with people whose ability i trust. i love working with people who spend their day working. working hard for one another. who are willing to help and do anything to make the process smoother. people who take advice and take constructive-criticism and use it to make their work more efficient and effective. its the type of worker/manager i strive to be and the type of people i have working with me.

with the waves and thunder and rain and sharks and wind…the ship is still sailing smooth. tight but smooth.

well. ive figured out what the sole purpose of being a manager is. it can be wrapped up in 3 words.

1. meetings.

2. teleconferences.

3. listening.

I have spent more time today listening to different random people from every department, come in and talk and talk and talk and talk, than i have spent time doing anything else combined.  its not always the same people, but i know once someone comes in and closes the door behind them, that im going to be there awhile. and longer than awhile it usually is.

This is something I am learning to be ok with. With most things, i like to wrap it up quickly. i am probably the quickest person in the world to get off the phone with. i mean, why drag it out, if its necessary (and sometimes even when its not) you can just call right back.

But in the life of manager…one must smile and nod. listen and share. encourage and influence. and most of all, learn and ask.