steven lasted for 2 months. when i think back to it, it was 1 month and 24 days TOO LONG. i hope he never sees this, though, maybe he would like some closure. im sure he would LOVE to talk about what happened. love to talk all about why the last time he saw me it was the back of me leaving his condo without saying goodbye. not even a ’see you later’ or a ‘have a nice life’. just the back of me walking away as quickly and assuridly as possible.
amy introduced us when he picked me up for our double date with her and my brother. we were in pasadena. things were fine….though i thought he looked much older than me (he was actually younger). there was a lot of talking between all four of us, but not much between he and i until we were outside on the curb waiting at a red light. it was then that i mentioned that im a conservative republican, and he smiled at the similarity.
we spent the next month going to a bunch of brithday parties for my family. i remember one night walking in the house and him already being here. he saw me walk in and just kind of looked shocked, stared and said hi. i pulled him into my room to hug him and be alone. right when i closed the door, he said ‘you look stunning. when i saw you walk in the door, you left me breathless.’ who wouldnt appreciate something like that. at that moment i could see myself coming home to him every night for the rest of my life and him reacting just the same way. later that night i told him ‘youll always tell me how beautiful i am. wont you?’ i knew he would.
the first month was filled with him asking me and trying to talk me into being his girlfriend. i finally said yes. the next month was filled with me figuring out a way to get out of it.
he was a talker. an analyzer. i should have known. hes an english teacher. i kept telling everyone, and even trying to convince myself that he was perfect. he is such a good guy. a really good catch. im sure, even though i havent talked to him since april, that he is still all those things. at one time, i told gina that i was sure i would regret breaking up with him if i ever did. shes doesnt really believe in that, but i know someone who is over 50 who has that thought about someone he dated in his early 20’s. i thought steven was a good ‘end up’ guy and i know im a good ‘end up’ girl.
only problem…….i was bored. and thats more than i could suck up to handle for the rest of my life. i refuse to be bored for the rest of my life just because its a sure thing. or a safe thing. i would rather be by myself. truth be told, most times I had a lot more fun with myself than when steven was around.
the idea of ending up with him was a hard one to let go. im 28 and i should be thinking long term. i should be coming close to those ‘need to settle down’ feelings. with steven i found myself running away from them.
it was a good relationship to learn from. i remember dating mike a long time ago and telling a friend how much fun we had. he replied ‘fun doesnt always last. youll need more than that to make forever.’ likewise, a relationship without fun was destined to end.
whats weird is that of all the things i want in a person, or at least thought i wanted, steven had. christian, good family, good job, smart, nice, good looking, clean. and that last goes really far with me. i really liked steven in a group with everyone. i liked him way better when there were other people around. not so much when we were alone.
so the day came and the end was there. after i left his house…you know, after he told me he was falling in love with me, then asked me, after over two months of knowing him as steven, to call him STEVE not steven….he texted me something simple and i have never heard from or about him since. i felt nothing. no tears. no sadness. a little relief. actually, in the weeks that followed, i felt pissed. pissed that i had wasted time on an us. ugh. what a waste.
so….this is an official good-bye to the boy. goodbye “STEVE!”
