Patricia Danielle

hello. this letter is being written to the child/ren i will some day give birth to.

some days, things are so busy i wonder how i will fit you in. i dont have time to feed myself, let alone another person. i dont know how i will potty-train you. that seems so hard. some kids even relapse. i dont know what your name will be and i have no clue who your father will be. of course, if i had my pick, youd end up with the last name ’selleck’ or ’stamos’. but i dont have my pick so ill wait for gods pick. hes done some pretty amazing teaming up of couples…your grandma and grandpa is just one example.

sometimes when i see kids walking to the bus-stop all alone…or with a bunch of other kids, probably their friends, i think ‘how could anyone ever let their child out of their site?’ sometimes i feel nervous about letting you leave my side, and you havent even been born yet.

other times i see kids and teenagers walking around acting 3 times their age……and i think about all the ways i can lock you and your siblings up in the basement from the age of 8 to 27. that way you will miss the drugs and sex and rock-n-roll stages of life. you wont wear a ‘hooters’ tank top or call a girl a ‘bitch’ or ‘hoe’. youll wear clothes a lot larger than your size if youre a girl and something that actually looks like it is your size if youre a boy.

i hope with everything inside of me that you get to meet my grandma, your great grandma. shes a pretty-tough cookie. she’ll probably still be the ‘queen at club this week’. im hoping she’ll stick around for another 20 years or so…she’s got to be there at the wedding and then to hold you and your siblings….and all your cousins. i need that. i want that.

and i know my parents, your grandparents are just waiting and hoping your arrival. i know that grandpa dan is waiting to fall in love with a grand-daughter……and grandma jan is just waiting for me to fall in love before the idea of you even exists.

for now, my god has my heart. hes my ‘guy’. the one who understands me and loves me regardless. the one who nudges me to rewind and the one whose grace is my redemption….whose mercies are new every morning. hes the one whos heart i am taken with, the one who is the lover of my heart.

and you know what, he gave his one and only son, jesus christ, to die for me and forgive all sins…all because he would rather live with me than anything else. i dont even know you yet, but i cant even begin to think about giving you up. i cant even think about walking you to the alter like abraham did. what faith it must take to raise childrena and to raise them in todays world.

but in the same regard, i will be giving to you back to god the moment you are given to me. me and my house will serve the lord…im so happy you are part of my ‘house’. be prepared because we will be going to church for the rest of our lives. we will be whole-heartedly serving god and living by his word, through faith. he will set out our steps and we will follow in his ways.

so, with all that said, as much as i love you already, i CAN wait to meet you. timing is everything. and ill sit and wait patiently for the best timing…..for gods perfect timing.

ALL my love…..mommy

oh, p.s.-you will never wear a shirt that says anything like “FOR SALE: my parents.”

if ever i ever thought of ever naming my child jason, it will never happen now that there is so much stacked up against doing so….

 

From: Jason
Sent: Tuesday, July 31, 2007 5:59 PM
To: Patricia
Subject: RE: pics

have you ever had a long term relationship?  have you ever lived with somebody before?

last wednesday, at the rock gym, i jumped from about 7 feet up the wall, to the big huge cushion below. i landed on my feet. actually, i landed on one foot, and one displaced ankle. it soon popped right back into place. then i laid back and passed out for about 30 seconds. i saw black, then screaming trains, dark faces, and bright colors. all to the tune of techno music.

i hobbled around for the next 4 days icing it with anything frozen and in a bag and popping asprin. ankle pieces held together by an ace bandage. then on saturday at my moms suprise birthday party, i spent the majority of  my conversations talking about my ankle and trying to talk everyone into understanding that the ankle was just sprained or twisted, and that going to the dr to get it checked out would just be a waste of my time and 75$ because they really can so nothing for a sprained or twisted ankle. i knew the answer would be “ice it, keep it elevated, and take some pain medication.”

feeling like i needed to get some reassurance in order to make everyone else feel that indeed, i would be ok, i packed my stuff up and headed for the hospital. the emergency room to be exact. it was a sunday so that was really the only option. but first, i stopped by the gym to get in a 2 hr work-out. hey, if the thing did end up in a cast, i wanted to at least have swam as many laps as i could get in while dragging the leg behind me.

i checked in with the lady in the front and there really weren’t that many people there. when i told the lady “its black and blue and really swllen. i wouldnt have come in, but the bruising is getting worse and now my toes are turning purple.” well, when i told her that, the lady WORKING at the hospital in EMERGENCY, he response was “ewwww.” thanks.

i waited an hour, saw the doctor, got wheeled to the x-ray room, got wheeled back to the waiting room, watched GREASE, 2 times around…back to back, and was realeased with a piece of paper telling me how to take care of my spained (not broken) ankle for the next 6 weeks….the jist of it being “ice it, keep it elevated, and take some pain medication.”

time at the dr’s office- 2 hours

money to see the doctor for x-rays- $75

peace of mind for my family and friends- priceless

for future reference, inviting a friend to sleep-over so you can go to the gym together in the morning is a really great idea if the party starts at 615pm. however, if it starts after 11pm, you can just forget about getting sleep. sleep-time will be replaced by dancing and laughing and talking. and because its so much fun, you cant get upset about it….actually, theres nothing but happy to be about it! well, happy AND tired.