Patricia Danielle

i’m so happy now that i’m having fun again.

i should have known from the very first night ,when i didnt want to stay and sleep with you, that it was never ever ever going to work out.  sleeping with my friends is my favorite. with you, all i wanted to do was get away. i never wanted to stay.

i havent been sleeping much.

mostly because i have been awake on purpose a lot.

ive been driving all over the place.

sleeping all over the place.

last night on my way to grandma’s house, i stopped by target to get some over-the-counter sleeping pills. i took one at 720. by 9pm, i couldnt keep my eyes open anymore.

however, at 345am i sure could. thats when i woke up. ive been awake for the past 2 hours, all ready to go. go where? go nowhere. because its sleeping time. actually, this should actually be ‘make up sleeping time’ even though my body doesnt understand this.

everytime i get less than 7 hours of sleep, my mind starts thinking about ways that i can make up for it. the past 3 weeks, ive been meaning to ‘make up for it’ without any ‘making up’ actually happening. im pretty sure i read somewhere that it is impossible to fix the damage that a lack of sleep causes to your body. in that magazine article, the author wrote something about binge sleeping on the weekends and that it really ends up doing more harm to your body than the sleep-lacking nights.

i guess ill take my chances. but soon, oh, very soon indeed…some binge-sleeping is going to need to take place. good for me or not.

a few months back, while talking to my mom, she mentioned something about how her children are just the way she raised us to be: independent. then she mentioned she kind of wished we werent so independent and that we still needed her a little more.

i am definitely a product of the way i was raised. because of my parents, more so my mom, im pretty fearless. and faithful. and even naive at times. i truly believe i can do anything. be anything*. go anywhere. all because of the way i was raised.

i think the independence thing started in 1st or 2nd grade. thats the first time i went to girl scout camp alone for a week. then there were more girl scout camps, summer camps, space camp, church camp, cheer camp, volleyball camp, working at a camp, moving to oklahoma, studying abroad in spain, traveling europe, teaching in japan, seeing the pyramids in egypt, and trekking the himalayas.

on our 4th of july hike, brian asked me if my parents were ever controlling. my answer was no. the answer IS no.

when i really stop and think about it, i am exactly how my parents rasied me to be (minus a little bit of the attitude, im sure). i believe in myself because they always did. i trust people because they trusted me. i love god because they showed me how.  i love to learn because they were always teaching me. i feel empowered because they made me choose. and i think that all of this is normal because in my family, it always was.

*i would like to note that i CANNOT be anything…..ive thought and thought and come up with something i cannot be….a defensive linbacker for the NFL. so there!

from running miles upon miles, and starting step classes at the gym, and jumping rope during circut for about an hour at a time…..well, from all of that, my right shin (ankle) hurts really really. i look like an old man when i first get up and start walking.

this put a glitch in my weekly routine because today was supposed to be a day of running the hill in claremont. however, there will be no running done with this right leg anytime soon. so, while i was icing my leg last night with a bag of frozen green beans, i decided to try patrick’s 545 cycle class again this morning.

class went fine and dandy, but this is pretty much all i remember:

patrick: ‘i like my linkin park LOUD.” then he turns up the sound system so loud i could feel the base through my feet.

and

patrick: ‘on thur we will do a hill class. for those of you who haven’t been here when we have a hill day, basically, we get on the bike and start to climb. we turn up the tension and climb for the whole hour. no breaks.’

therefore:

dear god. please please please let my leg be better by then. please

thank you, me

just a word to the wise when out running in the claremont hills.

1. if it is around 100 degrees, give or take a few in either direction, do not wear all black, including shoes and socks, unless you want to feel like you are running in hell on black concrete.

2. if you have to stop to tie your shoe, and you need a place to put your mase because you love your family and friends and carry it with you every time you run, do not place it in the easiest and most obivous holder…your mouth. especially not with the end that sprays. if you do, you will spend the rest of the morning spitting every few seconds with a full understanding of what it would feel like if a firecracker went off in your mouth.

3. when in a hurry and trying to get through the 5 miles even 5 minutes quicker than usual, pick up your feet as you run. if you dont, you will soon trip and fall and end up with scratches and bruises on one whole side of your body that makes it look like you slid into third base on a concrete baseball field. at least there will be blood. at least.