Patricia Danielle

today its hard to be a manager.

hard that i am having to hold people responsible for stuff they should be doing nonetheless. stuff i believe and trust in them to do.

i started reading “monday morning leadership” last week. it reminded me that ‘if your goal is to get your employees to like you, you will avoid making tough decisions because of your fear of upsetting yout ‘friends.’

this issue has been coming up more frequently in recent months. mostly because i am getting deeper and deeper into work. when i think about being a manager, i just want to be the kind of manager that i would want. i try my best to be fair and understanding. to help out as often as possible and to be an example. i also try to invest time and energy into my employees in order to nurture them into leaders. it wasnt until i returned to work after japan that i realized that true success of a leader shows in those that they lead. not in themself alone. that’s key for management.

so ive learned that. ive also learned that there are certain times where information doesnt need to be shared. THAT is really hard for me. harder since i am so close to my employees. i try my best to keep the whole department on the same level and never use the ‘because im the manager and i SAID so’ line. every time i fight for them….every time i stick up for them….every time i do work for them, i want them to know. but, thats stuff that is between me and my computer. well, me my computer and god.

this morning i had to justify a write-up to an employee. in response i wanted to say ‘if i wrote-up everyone every time i was supposed to, thats all i would be doing. and by now, i would have justifiably been able to fire half of you. but of course i didnt. because i am on YOUR side.’

thats my idea of ’monday morning leadership.’

“It is not in my character to be cruel, or even careless with people, but I slip. Because I’m human and totally, wretchedly flawed. But it’s nice to know that when I do, my own ugly lack of grace won’t necessarily be mirrored back at me. ” www.thisfish.com

really…really really….

i would really appreciate it if people wouldnt talk to me when i am naked in the shower at the gym.

with the exception of…maybe….something about the building being bombed or on fire. otherwise, REALLY.

valentines day was great. my day was comfy since it was a casual day at work. i made it through the whole day with no candy and even got a pirates of the caribbean valentines day card from victoria.

after work i changed into my predetermined valentines day outfit and topped it off with a new necklace. then shannon and i dropped by stevens to exchange ‘non-committal’ valentines day cards and a quick smile/peck/hug.

the car ride to pasadena was filled with boy secrets. some good and some bad.

when we got to the restaurant, gina and marin were sitting waiting for us. marin in her ‘vitage’ barbie t-shirt and gina with roses for us all. the food was fine-dining and the chef was the specialty of the night. equipped with valentine’s day notes passed back and forth. a couple of hours later, we were back in the car, done with the night and headed home.

that’s when it became a ‘valentines nightmare.’

there is apparently a need for an additional on-ramp south of the 60 off the 15. and there was apparently a need to continue work on that on-ramp after 10pm on weeknights. therefore, i sat in 35 minutes of traffic in order to get less than 3 miles closer to my house. along with a bunch of, what i can only think must have been, love-struck couples.

so, in reference to this whole debacle, i would like to issue a ‘maybe you should think about….’ letter.

to: the 2 construction workers at the site of the new on-ramp at 10:54pm on 2/14/2007.

Dear mister men in neon yellow vests and hard hats. i appreciate the work that you do and i LOVE having freeways EVERYWHERE in SoCal. i really do. nd i even like the hellish 91 or the miserable 60.

however, in order to save the SANITY of people driving past your work sites on valentines day night, when it is WAY past their bedtime (noted:jason from class), maybe you should think about looking BUSY. or involved. or anything but ‘chatty’ or ‘disconnected’.

just a thought.

sighed, patricia danielle.

From: B’Ann

Sent: Wednesday, February 14, 2007 11:00 AM

To: Patricia Subject:

RE:

Is Steven still nice?

——————————————————————————–

From: Patricia

Sent: Wednesday, February 14, 2007 1:53 PM

To: B’Ann

Subject: RE:

Steven is beyond nice. He’s Thoughtful and Kind. Careful and Communicative. Complementary and Gentle. Patient and Consistent. Giving and Truthful. Real and Personable. Thankful and Mature. Accessible and Willing.

i walked into the kitchen with my can of tuna at 1145. i had eaten a small piece of cake this morning and it was time for some tuna. something of ’substance.’

“youre not going to eat that are you?”

“yeah. why?”

“because we ordered lunch for everyone and it will be here at one.”

“but you ordered pizza, right?”

“yeah, but i got cheese pizzas and some vegetarian, too.”

“oh. ok. great!”

i proceeded to open my can of tuna, put it in a bowl and walked to my office where i ate it with organic wheat thins and a diet 7up.

hey WORLD- i dont want YOUR food. i dont want PIZZA. i want to eat tuna and i want you to leave me alone. let me be happy.

at about the same time i started working out with shawn, i started wed night dinners with amy and jason and dakota. id workout from 6-7 and make it to their house by 730 for dinner. it was exactly what my body needed after a good workout.

time went by and i started taking some classes on wednesday nights which meant dinner just kind of got pushed to the side. it kind of pushed aside the relationship i had built with my brother and his family during those dinners, too. we didnt talk much during that time. but that kind of thing happens with them, and its ok. we dont hold grudges we just pick right back up where we were the next time we hang out.

Wednesday night dinner started up again this week when we all met for sushi to celebrate amy’s bday.

it actually started out as just jason, amy, dakota, and me. like a normal wed night dinner. but that was before i got involved. since ‘the more the merrier’ is my theme to life, i extended the invite to my mom and dad the night before and spent the rest of wednesday inviting everyone else in my life within driving distance. yes, all MY invites, to celebrate someone elses bday. thats the way we do things around here.

steven was the last one to be invited. mostly because i had just gone to sushi with him at the same place 2 days prior. well, there was that and the fact that since the party had mulitiplied from 4 to 12, he would be be thrown into meeting almost everyone in my ‘circle’ all at once, after only knowing me 6 days.

in his truck after dinner, he told me what a great time he had with my friends and family. ‘i really like your friends and family.’ i sat there, took a second and decided to let it all out. “this is me. pure and simple. i love to invite EVERYONE with me EVERYWHERE. the more people I can sqeeze into a dinner or an outing or an event, the better. i feel most comfortable when everyone is invited. most of my friends are from different times in my life and only know each other because of me. and most of my family knows most of my friends because of the constant invites. with me, everyone is welcome.”

which really is the reason I am so happy steven went to dinner with us all. im happy he’s part of the group. part of the invite list to amy’s bday dinner. he made my ‘more’ merrier.

‘i am a delicate, valuable creature who should be careful and discerning about who gets my affection.’ HJNTIY.

cycle class, reduced fat chips-ahoy, emailing with amy, learning about being the maid-of-honor, smart water, colored post its, learning sexy tips from anthony, bens wed cycle class,  telling people ‘you were right’, getting along with my sister, having a ‘girls night out’ for v-day, s-a-f-e-t-y dance, going to the movies by myself, switching up my work-out routine, sharing secrets with shannon, loving people at work, hugs from boys, cologne, colored pens, new christian music, talking about god and god stuff and knowing that he is in the midst of that, buying new stamps, mailing valentines days cards, sugar-free monster energy drinks, my new nike ’shocks’ running shoes, the dog in his sweater, giving up on the boy crush….FOR GOOD, having a mom who texts and a grandma with a cell-phone, barely naked nail-polish, talking with gina every day, random magnets from random friends who went random places, remembering the good-ol-days with marin, needing the air conditioner in february, dreams with friends, my new blue-tooth for my new cell phone, sat workouts with augostina, the radom plastic animals i find to give out to my employees at work, fighting for the same employees, tanning, wearing a little bit of lip-gloss, getting along with enrollment, not eating chocolate candy, ice cream dates, walking the  block, boy-short underwear, driving stick, spending time with shannon, finding new music, and honey nut cheerios.

dont ask me why……but after all my accumulated interest in football this season, i found myself less than enthused about watching the superbowl. there were lots of places to go, parties to join. all of which did nothing for me. i spent the morning at the gym, the afternoon cleaning and talking to my mom and her friend debbie, and the evening circling the block while i talked to steven.

it was a pretty super sunday.