yesterday while i was running at the hill, there were 2 people ahead of me wearing granola gear…..hiking boots, khaki cargo shorts with big pockets full of stuff, and those big shady fisherman hats.
and even though it was about 80 degrees, i ran by them in my black tshirt, black shorts, black socks, and black sunglasses. i wonder if they thought my running attire was as silly as theirs.
despite some amazing gifts….including travel scrabble, some warm things for my feet, and an EASY button…..i didnt get what i REALLY wanted….a really defined collar bone or a pair of split-muscle calves.
maybe next year.
Spelman College 119th Commencement—Sunday, May 14, 2006
At the Cathedral at Chapel Hill
bits from the Keynote Address by Dr. William “Bill” Cosby
“Start now, your life is ready. And be careful, you hear people talk about “it takes a village,” I want to worn you, there are prostitutes in the village, there are drug dealers in the village, there are crooked politicians in the village, and there are men with plenty of sperm cells but no guts to take on responsibility of fatherhood in the village.”
From: Jason
Sent: Friday, December 29, 2006 2:44 PM
To: Patricia
Subject: RE:
I just got into a huge political fight with Rick and he started to get super emotional and I think he is crying and he walked out and is so mad….. what should I do
interesting how so many things i detested while i was growing up, are practically my favorite things ever right now….such as:
*talk/sports radio-i used to HATE when my dad would listen to it while i was in the car. hated it. but these days i love it. i crave it. i need it. if im not on a constant information overload, i go into a panic. kind of like today when i got back from lunch and learned that every streaming audio radio station online has been blocked by the place where i work. are you kidding me? i almost had a panic attack. i checked every website that i had saved. none of them worked. none of them. then i started freakishly checking the rest of the internet world…….nothing would work. until i finally hit the jack pot. thank you IOWA you saved my life. if only i could have taped the whole thing to really get you to understand the short breathing and panic that was running through my blood. imagine me with no chapstick within arm’s reach and you’re seeing the picture clearly!
*no calls after 10pm- if someone is calling me after 10pm, it better be someone who is drunk and needs a ride, or the lord god himself. if im not asleep by 10pm, believe me, i should be. and by ‘i should be’ i mean, i shouldnt be held responsible for anything i say after 10pm or before 510am. i thought this was the stupidest thing in the world when i was in high school. EVERYTHING happened after 10pm. i HAD to be out or on the phone after 10pm. had to. but 10pm these days means in bed and under the electric blanket, not sitting next to the phone waiting for boys to call. thank god for growing up.
to rob- “for unto you is born this day in the city of david a savior, which is christ the lord……glory to god in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.” luke 2:11&14.
from rob- you are aware that this was a roman holiday where people exchanged gifts. it wasnt until the 1880’s that is was celebrated in america because it is a pagan holiday!
to rob- merry christmas to you, too!
when the cycling class gets really hard, the instructor tells us to close our eyes and visualize being somewhere else. i always visualize being in africa where there are zebras and giraffes and lions running along side of me. and not gnawing on my ankles.
the saturday morning before halloween, the instructor put some scary halloween freak music for the class. at one point, there were some kind of scary monster noises on a really fast techno/rave song. she had us stand up and peddle. and keep peddling……as fast as we could. she kept saying, ‘do you want the monster to get you? then PEDDLE! he’s not going to get me…..dont let him eat you…..GO GO GO!’
so far, im having a really good run at this cycling thing…..no gnawed at ankles and no monster eatings.
*met with doug, my friend from japan, a couple of weeks ago. we sat and had tea and hot chocolate and then went to mexican food. when i spend time with him, of course all of the good times from japan come to mind. he talked about his trip around the world and about the traveling he still has to do starting early next year. doug is a dude in his 40’s who has never been married and has no children. as he talked about his life and how he could have made different choices, he always returned to his ‘i wouldnt have changed anything’ statement. meaning that though there may have been a ‘one who got away’ he is happy with the choice he has made to live his life alone and for himself. makes me think. especially since i have, sometime in the last couple of months, gotten to the point that i am truly loving and appreciating my independence. i like time by myself and there are even times that i prefer it.
last monday night, caroline, victoria and i were talking about people and relationships and friendships. caroline came out of left-field with something about how she thinks its difficult for me to find someone. not just for a relationship, but also in meeting friends. when i asked her to explain, she said that she thinks i come with a lot of baggage….baggage to her, she explained, meant me with my continual focus and preconceived notions. without beating myself up, i simply agreed.
later that night at gina’s christmas party, i couldnt shake what caroline had said about me. i started out the night on the couch with her parnets and her boyfriend’s roommate tim chatting about fun cute stuff. then, the more and more people who showed up, the more and more i became anxious and uncomfortble. in reality, heres what was running through my head “im NO fun in social situations. and im probably the most uptight 27 year old ever.” of course with the ‘ever’ part, im not overexxagerating. im just not.
i told gina the next day that i loved her party, but that in reality, it would have been one that she and i would have gone to and only stayed 10 mins. we like to show our face and then get the heck out of places without anyone knowing that we have exited the building. because if people dont know that you left, they dont really care that you did.
this whole weird state of mind set the precedence for my week. one that made me wonder how much of that i want change and how much of that i am proud i have held true to.
a couple of friday nights ago, a bunch of people from work went out after work to a sportsbar. one my the guys who works with me told me i should go, ‘you should go and have fun. it feels good to get away from work and de-stress.’ only problem with that is that ‘i have fun at work. i love you guys and i have a great time here. i put so much energy into it that once the day is over, im spent.’ he told me ‘thats the problem patricia. work is not supposed to be the most fun thing in your life.’ silly me. having a good time at work. how dare i.
anyway- theres no way to end this other than to say that, yes, i know i am focused, and i know i am often times shut off to the rest of the world. and i even know that sometimes i a little bit of my dad’s frown comes over my face. i know all of that. but i also know that i am a fun person. that i have a great time when i am comfortable in situations. and i love meeting new people…..im not too keen on them meeting me…..oh, and i LOVE to make people feel special. love it.
