Patricia Danielle

the 5 mile hike/run in claremont. the sun. skittles. the new united live CD. yoga. learning. going to my church. talking with shannon. working out with shawn. random email/phone conversations with re-entry boy.

i love when the weekends are perfect.

great weather. fun people. lots of places. good food. yummy candy. 4 days off. splendid sleep.

perfect.

Knew you were trouble back then but that’s what turned me on.

Sometimes something that is not perfect ends up being what you want,

i met a boy. a boy he is. he is a spaz! but super fun to talk to. is he the one ill end up with? i highly doubt it. do i think there will ever even be ANYTHING between us? again, i highly doubt it. we talk and email and laugh a lot. theres even that beginning of a friendship kind of joking with each other and stupid silly arguments….you know, all that stuff.

and i met another boy. actually, he’s more of a guy. cute guy. kinda on the skinny side. do i think ill end up with him? nope. do i even want to act interested? nope. whats the point? what is wrong with me? i just really dont care about the whole “boy” thing right now.

i set shannon up with brandon 2 weeks ago. the three of us went out to dinner and to play some video games and eat ice cream. now they are talking/dating. and she is excited and happy and even hopeful.

i always think about jeremiah. a really good high-school friend. a guy i think would have made a perfect husband/father. but, at 16,17,18,19,20,21…..i wasnt looking for that. he apparently was since he quickly became a father/husband and has been so for the past 5 years.

and then there is always darrin. who i know will read this one day. of course i am no where near the top of his friend list anymore. i hate girlfriends. call it jealousy….or whatever you will. i hate being dropped. hate it. have only done it once. hope i never have to again. im a “the more the merrier” kind of girl.

anyway-this is not to say that i ever have had/will have a chance with any of these boys/guys/men, but the other day, i started thinking about all the boys ive passed up, or, passed along. all the good guys are gone! (this is hardly true, i know that)

but, when the cute guy asked me out, got my phone number, and waved good-bye to me, i got in my car and starting thinking, “who is this guy?” i dont even know him. i have no idea if he is even a safe person.”

remember high school? i do. back in those days, everyone knew everyone else. they knew their family, their ex’s, their goods, their bads, the habits, their friends, the sports they played, the car they drove, and a million other stupid, though very important, things. nowadays, i meet someone and i wonder if they are married, have kids, have been divorced, are crazy, have a job, floss, and a zillion other imporatant things that are necessary to know before even spending a second talking with them.

i don’t ever think that i thought i would ever think that meeting boys in high school was a preferable way of doing so, but it just may be.

here are his. i guessed right the first time. it’s SO obvious…. of course it’s number 2!

i spent my 27th birthday at disneyland. a great day. the weather was perfect. the lines were short. and time spent with friends was just so perfect.

this pic is from a new ride at disneyland. when we asked the lady at the front of the line what the ride was, she said:

“its like the haunted mansion and you shoot targets.”

sure enough, thats exactly what it was. this is a picture of shannon and i “shooting tagets.”

i had to lose control….. to find it.

about a month and a half ago, i hit my limit. i found myself standing at the end of my bed one morning, not able to even imagine getting ready for work. My theory is that whatever I can imagine myself doing, I can do. I just couldnt see it so I took the day off. From that day and for the next 4 weeks or so, life was miserable. Really. And I knew something needed to change. Thats when I decided to start the Master’s of Education program. Not necessarily because I want to be a teacher, but because I dont want to spend the next 40 years of my life working from 8 to 8. in order to do this, i needed some bit of control in life. just a little.

it started with my room, which i had to pay someone to clean. then came my car. everything OUT. well, except for the big box of girl scout stuff. then came time to start working out and eating better.

im in classes now, sleeping less, running more, eating less candy (as i sit here and munch on skittles), eating more protein, reading more, watching TV less, typing more, and working less! the perfect means to a happy ending! im happy again. really happy and enjoying my routine which squeezes out every drop of energy i have before i get into bed each night.

this is me at my best and most comfortable.

i was talking to a guy at work on friday and he asked me if i drink. i told him i dont. then i asked him if he drinks. he said he does. i asked him if he drinks a lot. he said, “remember nicholas cage in ‘leaving las vegas? well, i drink somewhere between nicholas cage’s character and you.”

**if youre not familiar with nicholas cage’s character in this movie, think gross, drunk, alcoholic, puking guts out, sick, dirty old drinking guy.