Patricia Danielle

part of the list that i made back here was to “accept all invites.” well, thus far, i havent accepted all invites, but as of late, i am doing a lot better.

first there was marins christmas party at work. i really WANTED to want to go, but i didnt. its usually the case. and normally, i dont drink at all. but there is no way i would have been able to handle the uncomfortableness of being around all those people who i didnt know, who were drinking, without drinking something. or at least, in order to not be seen as a complete “b” word…which seems to be a vibe i can give off when i am in situations i find uncomfortable. by the end of the night, i had met a few new people, had a couple drinks, and sang/danced with marin to a sugar ray song. and it was fun. a good time. good invite accept.

then there was brians christmas secret santa exchange party last friday. this one i wasnt so apt to reject once brian told me he went with my agreement of “ill only go if you and i are each others secret santa.” i got to his house around 10pm, after i had gone to see the christmas lights with my family. i drove up to a house COVERED in tiny color christmas nights……then walked into the house which had christmas lights strung everywhere and 7 people sitting around talking. i must mention one of them was ryan…who, looked incredibly yummy with his shaved head…..but i digress. i spent more time on the road that night than i did at the party, which is usually the case with my attendance at “events.” but i left happy that i had made myself attend and happy having spent some holiday time with afar off friends.

a few other things i wasnt too easily talked into, included seeing “chronicles of narnia” and a few holiday things that were planned with work. but, in the end, it all felt really good to have been a part of them all and to finally be “accepting” of invites, like planned.

so…as i sit here right now, a few hours before leaving work on a friday evening, i again have accepted an invite. im headed to glamis for a few days. it took a bit of convincing, but i know ill be back afterwards, happy about accepting the invite….happy that i had plans.

i was just on the phone and when i asked a student for her student id number, she said “it’ll be just one little hot second.” ive never heard that before. but i want to start using it. or, should i say, stealing it!

its the same with something i heard in the movie “munich” the other day. everytime something exciting happened, they said “ma·zal tov!” i love that. “ma·zal tov” to EVERYTHING. someone walked into my office this morning to let me know he submitted his vacation time from yesterday. i felt it the perfect time to use my new found jolly words. i kept typing and even didnt look up from my computer and acknowlegded him with “ma·zal tov.” love it.

today at work i closed my email box by accident and sat doing other work for the next 4 hours really happy that my little email box wasnt showing anything incoming….because, that almost ALWAYS indicates more work. well, that is, i WAS happy. until i realized that i had closed it. once i got it back up and open, i realized there was a huge back-up. booo. bad email box.

 

was this on my “recommended list” at amazon.com?

 

Stop Getting Dumped! All You Need to Know to Make Men Fall Madly in Love with You and Marry “The One” in 3 Years or Less by Lisa Daily, Lisa Daily

It’s been YEARS since I’ve been “dumped”…..

well, it’s been years since I “dumped” as well, but thats beside the point.

i have a crush on a 22 yr old.

great.

when i meet up with people from home now, after spending the last 2 years in japan, everyone wants to know whats going on with my love-life. love-life? there isnt one. i hardly find myself attracted to anyone anymore. i wonder if its because i am looking for more in a person now. maybe someone who i will stay with, end up with. i dont know. that or my eyes are just not focused on finding someone.

anyway, mr 22 yr old is marins cousin. and its fun to like him because it is such a  mix of real and silly feelings for me. it makes me feel comfortable to know that he wouldnt act out on all of my flirting, because, what if it is  all deep down just a joke.

funny thing is, it really is a real crush….and if he’s not acting out on it, and im not acting on it, then its not being acted on at all.

ive been typing all day. working on one file all day long. about 20 minutes ago, i walked out of my office and loudly said “we no longer have any graduation applications pending. they have all been processed.” to which one of the other counselors looks down at her desk, grabs a thick folder filled with paperwork, and says “except for these i have at my desk”…….i walked over to her with complete desperation on my face, took the folder and headed back to my office, not before i got out a quick “never-mind!”

im tired of typing. i think thats why there isnt much blogging going on in my world.

that, and the necessity i have to censor everything i think and write.

work has been really intense. im now the manager of the department i came back to from japan. the deptartment i came back to thinking that i would be able to just sit and know my job, know what to do…..eaze back to work.

no such luck.

instead. ive been incredibly blessed with promotion and favor. that and a bit more work.

one of the goals i made for myself before i came back to the states after japan was to get involved with some type of volunteering.  6 weeks ago, i did just that. at what i thought was going to be an info meeting for girl scout volunteers, i opened the door of an elementary school classroom to the sound of “girls, this is patricia, your new girl scout leader.” i stood there wide-eyed in shock. i thought i was going to be doing some sort of adminitration work for the person in charge of the district. instead, i became the girl scout  leader of 10 girls ranging from kindergarten to 6th grade. now, if you know anything about elementary school, you know that this is a HUGE age difference.

i sat and listened to the director lady tell me all that i was about to take on, and nodded in an “uh-huh” kind of way. the girls sat at the table behind us creating a glue…sprinkle…glitter….mess on plastic cups. an hour later i signed my name to troop 1040. in exchange, i got the names of my 10 girls and a calendar booked every other Monday night for the next year.

apparently, the way to my heart is through health-care. at least it would seem so considering my past record of visits involving some sort of cry-festivities. my latest “fest” was on friday at my new dentist. as he numbed my tooth, the tears started rolling. then, through the shaking voice came “it’s just that i really like MY dentist. and i dont know you. im sorry, i know this is really silly.” he consoled me with “its ok. its your first time here and your getting a root canal. im really gentle but there is a woman dentist if you would rather have her do it.” he just wasnt getting the fact that it was just an emotional thing. i mean, i CHANGED dentist. darn dental insurance met-life. i made it through the rest of the appointment. all 2 1/2 hours of it. now i just have to prepare for a dr. appt in january with a new dr. since the company i work for is changing our health insurance. its safe to assume that it will involve some sort of tearing up. health-care, it just cuts right through to the heart of me.

i went and saw the mr. cash movie yesterday. loved it. i think it has to do with the whole “love story” on which the whole thing is really based. theres that part of me that misses that. misses the boy thing. but i DONT miss the boy thing when i am around boys. i dont have an inkling of “like” for anyone. havent in a long time. a really long time. sometimes i wonder if those feelings even exist anymore. there are some pieces that seem to be missing. i dont know that one of those pieces is made of a boyfriend. what i do know is i miss those feelings of crushing on someone. it makes me think i need to get out of the house. it makes me think that i need to get out of the office. makes me think i sleep too much.