Patricia Danielle

an email went around yesterday about the scheduled fire drill for today between 1 and 5pm.

i read the email with a big “UGH” on my mind. after participating in fire drills at my junior high school in japan for 2 years, if i never hear the word “fire + drill” ever again, it will be too soon!

now there are posted flyers everywhere in the building just to make sure everyone is aware that participation in the drill, by everyone in the building in mandatory.

just when i thought i was going to have the fire drill blues, my manager comes out of his office and declares that we will all be betting on what time we think the drill will happen. the winner…after much tossing out of ideas, will get their choice of a salad from wendy’s, a juice from jamba juice, or in my case, a green tea from starbucks!

my chosen time is 3:40.

let the count down begin.

i spent friday being an american.

During the day, I went to the Los Angeles County Fair.

That night, I went to the Los Angeles Angles Baseball game.

after the game, I sat in seats close to the field with a great view of the sky, to see a huge firework show.

ray charles “america” was playing in the background.

makes me proud. and honored. and gives me a feeling of being at home.

as i previously wrote about, i was way stressed out on the way to church on sat night. so much so that i used praise and worship time to just get back into a un-tensed state of being.

darrin and i sat on the very far end of the row and listened to bayless for “questions god asks: number 15″ in an on-going series. i sat there tired and wanting to rest my head on his shoulder, while i held onto his arm. but, theres something about being friends with him that causes me to ALWAYS remember what his job is. especially when we are at church, being that it is where he works. in the slightest way, i feel like when we are together, we’re on display.

earlier in the afternoon, darrin and i spent time texting and calling back and forth in order to figure out what the plans were for the night. i offered 2 choices. “ill meet you at church and then we can go ride the ferris wheel on the santa monica pier, or you can come over here and we’re going to color something.” all i got from him was “color something?” with that i knew i was heading out to church that night.

after church and on our way to santa monica, darrin asks “so, have you been on any dates since youve been home?” for a little while i go on and on about how everyone in the world is married and OF COURSE i havent been out on any dates, because if i HAD gone out with someone, i would have told him about it. i found out, it wasnt the same in reverse. “have YOU gone out on any dates?” he proceeds to tell me about dr. josh’s daugher “katie.” or is it “kati” or maybe “katy.” heck, how would i know since im having to question and question to learn about her.

i sat in the truck thinking about a million different things. he even told me, “i told brandon that i was going to tell you about katie tonight.” to which i replied “OH MY GOSH, YOU’RE BREAKING UP WITH ME!” of course he wasnt breaking up with me. we werent, arent, never will be together. but its as if our friendship was about to be put on pause.

we went through the night with me asking “what if” questions and lots of “suppose….” senarios. it was never meant to be me giving him thoughts to roll around in his head or make him choose between a future relationship with her or an on-going friendship with me.

we walked around, rode the ferris wheel, ate some yummy pizza, and talked a whole lot. the more time i spend with darrin, the closer we get. that night i told him how much i appreciate who he is as a person and a youth pastor. i also told him that i depend on him to be who he is…..someone who is dependable in his thoughts and beliefs….someone who is there to laugh with me……someone to read 160 characters of a 345 character text message from japan and decipher what it was that i was meaning to say. Not to mention my most favorite thing about him; His Balance.

I love us. I told him this at the fair on Friday. I think its the best that i am a close friend who isnt in the mix of church or his job. We can take trips to Vegas and spend late nights talking. There can be talk of margaitas and certain “scares” along with the balance of how big God is and how how instrumental he is in every aspect of life.

This whole girl-friend…fiance…whatever thing that is happening with darrin, is starting something else that i wrote about in a previous entry. ive worried about this happening. about my having to watch the people in my life grow in their own element and in other relationships. i suppose that means that its time for me to be growing, too.

i had a bagel and salad for lunch. but not the 1st bagel that i put in the toaster before i went to pee, because that one, well, that one started the toaster on fire. instead, i had to eat the bagel i brought for breakfast tomorrow.

untoasted. obviously.

back to my tuna for breakfast.

this time with some pickles.

on my way to church on saturday night, i was driving into the sunset….from east to west. through my scratched up 5 year old arnette sunglasses that mike gave me after we broke up, i watched the colors change and the sun hit the horizon.  it was perfect. it was a perfect southern california moment. and really, if the only reason i have ever had those sunglasses was just to look through them at that moment, they were worth  ALL that it took to get them.

on the 10 freeway.

 in a hurry to get to church.

so stressed out i can feel the pressure in my chest.

all of a sudden, the 80 mile an hour traffic came to a slow 5 mile per hour crawl.

why?

because on the other side of the freeway, in the carpool lane, there were about 25 bikes and big biker men and women all walking around and apparently trying to settle some kind of bike issue….be it, a break-down or an accident. well. if thats not enough to stop traffic, because we all knowthat big shiny motorcycles are a trap for the eyes, one of the guys toward the back of the pack had a big pointy colorful mohawk.

it got me to thinking that it should be illegal. anyone with a mohawk should not be able to get out of their car or off of their bike on the freeway. all for the sake of the traffic it causes!

 

back to going-going-going.

wednesday night, church.

thursday night, the hollywood bowl for the LA Philharmonic.

friday night, angel stadium. just the 6 of us.

saturday, lawns, carwash, and unpacking.

sunday, 2 church services and unpacking again.

monday, plans for ikea and ontario mills were put on hold for a trip to my grandmas house. on the phone with her in the morning, i got a sense that she just wasn’t doing well. it ended up that my sister and i spent all day at the hospital with her. urgent care, blood work, x-rays, urgent care again, to the emergency room. all day of this with about 20 crackers and a gallon of water in my tummy. dinner time was a bit of a reunion at outback steakhouse and then home for bed.

i must say that the swing of things is going quite nicely if i do say so myself.

and i do.

i always say…and have thought, that kindness would be enough. and finding someone who is kind would be the end all in a relationship. a person who is genuinly kind will exude all other characteristics which a person who i would want to be with forever would have.

this has proved to be incorrect. and i must withdrawl this as my theory.

i need more.

mostly: attraction to the person physically and a conection with the person in the area of personality.

and by personality i mostly mean, the person must at least HAVE one.

so…here’s the new “list.”

1.kindness

2. attraction

3. personality!

ive been a tired girl.

running around, quite literally i might add, every day.

4 to 5 miles a day.

with any luck, in the mornings.

35-38 minutes.

and i rememeber how it used to be before i left this same schedule of life. times when i was so busy. just so busy.

having things to do and people to do them with, places to be and obligations to my name, all of it keep me feeling productive. useful. needed. i love that feeling.

so in the business of days. and the stressed out phone calls to my mom and/or darrin. those calls where i can feel the tears welling up, i am reminded of life. and living. truly living my life. and i feel found as a human, blessed as a child of god, and successful as a young (dare i say it) woman.