Patricia Danielle

Things here have been ok. Im not sleeping as much, but Im still in bed sleeping in or before 10pm and not up again until 615, when the alarm goes off, reminding me of my morning run. My alarm is marins from last year. It was one of the things that made me happy that marin was leaving….that and the mini speakers to use for my ipod. Believe me, the trade-off wasn’t in my favor, but it has been SO nice not having that tick-tick-tick sound of my old alarm clock. I gave it to ryan at the beginning of the year. Hes obviously not as light of a sleeper as I am if he can endure that! How fun will it be to have an alarm clock at home that wakes me up with music! Oh the wonderful things of “America!”

Though, thinking back to it, I think that the last one I bought in the states does not have a radio, and is fact, the same buzz-buzz-buzz kind that i have now. That will be my first purchase. Or, maybe my second, because right now I am craving a vanilla shake from In-n-out. Im not an in-n-out girl. Im not a hamburger girl. Im a burrito girl. But I love vanilla shakes at in-n-out. I remember going to In-n-out all the time with Cache. Cache worked there. He also, had a sort of SHRINE to in-n-out hanging on the wall. I excused it. He was….is, hot! Well, dear old, actually, he’s younger than me. Let me start again, wonderful Cache tried to convince me that strawberry shakes at In-n-out were better than vanilla. I couldnt contest considering I didnt even KNOW that in-n-out had any other type of shake than vanilla. Any time we would go there when I was younger, weonly got vanilla. I didnt know my mom was holding out on me! Well, one warm day, in my work clothes, something really tight im sure, I met cache for a shake and french fries on my lunch break. If I remember correctly, he likes to dip his french fries in the shake. The strawberry/vanilla mixed shake. He aslo always got a protein burger, and this was before the “no carb” craze. For the record, I still prefer vanilla shakes.

 In fact, I love shakes, and I love milk products, but my throat does not. Over the last 6 years, I have developed some weird allergy tomilk products that make my throat swell up. It makes it imposible to have more than a bite or so of cheeze, ice cream, or even yogurt. And, though I believe in divine healing, i am fine to permit this allergy to stay because of it’s limits to my daily diet. Sometimes I forget about it and ill eat an ice cream cone. And its so yummy and fun…..for a couple of minutes. Then, after a few more, I cant even drink water, and it freaks me out and hurts really bad. So, no milk products.

 On line with this healing thing, (this is WAY girl info…so skip if “period” freaks you out!) I listened to a bible message yesterday that talked about jesus telling believers that we can “bind things and loose things on earth” and the same is done in heaven. So I got to thinking about how my girl stuff has been pretty messed up all of my life. There have been whole years that have gone by without anything. Which, I was SO thankful for….really thankful for. Then, the whole idea got me grossed out, because I think that stuff needs to happen, and then it freaked me out because I know it needs to happen to have children, which, i want to do some day. Soooooo…..I prayed over my girl stuff and I prayed about it being “loosed.” Long story short, my prayer has been answered.

And yeah its horrible, but, after reading “The Red Tent” while I was in India, there came this ownership of being a “woman” and all that comes with it. That book is fantastic. A recommend for anyone who knows the old testament story of Jacob. The book turns a bible story into a fiction novel, told from the side of a woman. Dinah. Jacob’s only daughter. I found out about the book from Oprah’s book club.Yes, Im on the “Oprah” train, and proud of it.

 I like finding new titles and new authors to read. Awhile ago, my English guy, Kimura, gave me a book about the war between China and Japan that started in 1937. Its called “The Rape of Nanking” by Iris Chang. Yesterday, I finished reading it. There were parts in that book that really made my stomach turn. When he asked me last night what I thought about it, I got the chance to explain the term “throw up” to him, as it is what many parts of the book caused me to want to do. The story is gruesome. And even though the author is chinese, and biased writing is expected, the pictures and reports from those who shared their stories in the book, cannot all be ignored. Human brutality is something I just dont understand. If nothing else, I will never physically hurt someone intentionally, and Ill try my super best not to hut them emotionally or mentally or spiritually, as well. I really believe people are here for, number 1, a relationship with God the creator, and number 2, for one another. I also recently come to the personal understanding that in being “pro” something, I dont HAVE to be anti “ANTI.”

 im sure this new thinking has to do with all my gore vidal reading. his writing always inspires me to think about and revaluate and understand my ideas and those of others. ive been meaning to write about some of his essays. i recently read his essay “drugs” to anyone who would listen. even over the phone. i was reading it to brian on saturday night when valerie came over for movie night. we watched moulin rouge, which, i first faught against. “I heard its about a whore house and prostitutes.” “Not really. Its not really about that at all. It’s about how the greatest thing in the world is learning to love and be loved in return.” I then agreed to watch it and ended up reading and/or hearing her quote many times thereafter. I liked the movie. A lot. Im glad I watched it.

 We spent a long time talking afterwards, like always. Family stuff, school, life, money. I told her about my answered prayer over my dryer, which didnt work that morning, but after some time and some prayer, seemed to just up and work again later that night. Then of course we got on to the boy subject. I told her that when she and brian were talking at Indian food a few weeks ago, and she told him that she had never kissed a boy, that he later told me he should have just kissed her, just so that she had kissed someone. Anyone. She then followed with “Im saving that one for my wedding.” To which, I did not respond.

Me, whose kissing boy count is up to 16 (ginas is more. she and i counted when she was here). Actually, I should out an “ONLY” in front of up to….because I dont think 16 is a lot….personally. Though, when i was emailing with one of the guys i went to college with, earlier in the month, he stated that he thinks that upon my return to the states i am “going to go boy crazy!” he may be right considering marin and i were just chatting and making decisions as to who would be my “initiation” boy. We’re jerks, I know. But its cute and fun and people in america are so attractive to me! I love big-tall-boys with shaved heads. I havent found ANY of those here. Even the sumo guys have gross long hair. Ew. I dont like the “i look like i havent eaten in the last 14 years” look that most Japanese men portray. Just me. Actually, I think thats probably the same for most sane people. Now, I have to go eat some lunch!