Patricia Danielle

again. i LOVE to check the american idol message boards! people on these things are really manic. as in crazy…silly….obsessed:

heres the first thing i read:

looks like i was wrong. constantine wont be the winner. so now i have to choose another. the show is down to 5. im going to go with :

Bo Bice

the first thing i purchased when i returned to japan in august, was fireworks. we’re not talkin illegal…crazy….fire-eating….blasts of sparks…..just, the smoke-bombs, and sparklers, and little boxes of 6 ft tall sparks.

for some reason, i could never find an appropriate time to light them. is there ever really an “appropriate time” to light things on fire? probably not. so, one night while i was on the phone with marin, i asked her if she wanted to do some fireworks with me.

“what do you have?”

“i dont know. i bought this bag of fireworks when i first got back to japan and havent lit any of them yet.”

“ok.”

so i found a lighter (her lighter) and grabbed the bag of fireworks, and went one by one explaining what each was doing. of course there were memories of past fireworks displays talked about as i went along. as the noise of my activities got louder, more and more of the english teachers came outside to see what i was up to. it ended with us all writing words in the night sky with sparklers.

that was not the end of that, though!

it happens to currently be the start of “selling fireworks” season in japan! yay. so, the other night, i sorted through the 100 yen goodie table and found lots of packages that looked like fireworks, though, i cant read japanese, so i didnt know for sure what they all were. later that night, with marin on the phone, i remembered my purchase.

“want to do fireworks with me?”

“what do you have?”

“i dont know. i just bought some for 100 yen a piece at kawacchis.”

“ok.”

so, i found a lighter (her lighter) and grabbed my little fire-works, and started lighting. 1st were the smoke-bombs…green….then yellow. then i went onto the AK47 sounding things. i lit them in bunches of 2 and 3 and they were the loudest noise ever. it sounded like i was starting my very own “gaijin” war. next were the bottle rockets. per marins “suggestion”, i put the stick in the ground because i didnt have a bottle. this doesnt work. instead, it just let off a huge BOOM, and shot like a dart to the side. i told her what happened and she replied:

“OH…bottle rockets! Duh. Yeah. You have to put it in something so it can go up.”

thanks marin. i went inside and in search of a bottle, which i knew i didnt have, i found a ceramic vase. same thing. then i started lighting 2 and 3 at a time and waiting to hear them all pop as they flew into the air. they didnt all pop, which marin would explain away with:

“maybe 2 of them popped at the same time.”

“yeah. im sure thats what happened.”

then we would laugh.

next were the little airplane looking things which i put on the ground and thinking that it would just sit there and spin around, i only took about 4 steps backwards after i lit it. wrong. it lit up, spun around and went up. really high up. thus the WINGS, and the AIRPLANE look. i obviously wasnt far enough from the lit-up plane, and had to quickly DUCK when the thing came straight for my head before ascending 25-30 ft in the air. after that, i would light the airplane and sprint as far away as possible to watch the circling ball of fire fly.

last were a couple of “dragons.” typical little boxes of lot of sparks. but the best to just stand and watch. and no noise.

there was no one else this time. just me…the phone…5416 miles…..the phone….and marin. there was also 17 hours of time difference, though, technically it was the same date on both ends of the line. sunday night was just us doing the type of things friends in far away places do together…talking on the phone….telling about the weekend….oh, and lighting fireworks.

From: gina
To: patricia
Sent: Mon, 25 Apr 2005 15:04:39 -0700
Subject: hairbands

do you need good, sturdy hair bands?

Subject: hairbands
From: patricia
Date: Mon, April 25, 2005 3:13 pm
To: gina

i arrived at school this morning with tears running down my cheeks. it just so happens that the tire which my vice principal “fixed” last week, finally gave out and went flat this morning, making for an impossible ride to school. my options were limited since i have no pump at my house, and the bike shop i am supposed to go to is closed in the mornings. i had to ride to school, even if i was going to be late.

i set my bike to the lowest gear and pedaled hard for about 30 minutes, feeling all the uneveness in the road and every bump along the way. the whole time, i kept thinking how unhappy i was. “way to focus on the problem” i know. half-way to school, the tears started and when i finally got to school, ms. shimowada was the first person i saw out by the bike racks. she asked what was wrong and i started in.

“im too old for this. everything is just so difficult. riding a bike to school with a flat tire because i cant go to the bike shop because it is closed in the mornings, that makes no sense. and now its the end of april and temperatures here are still so cold. what is going on? i just want to go home.”

“i understand. the last school i worked at, i thought the same thing every morning. before i got to school, i always wanted to turn around and go home. is there anything i can do? i cant do anything about the weather, but i can help tell vice principal about your bike.”

“no. its ok. i will go tell him right now. ill be ok. everything will be ok.” i walked away and went into the locker-room to get out the rest of the tears before proceeding with my day.

at lunch, i went into the teachers room and apologized to ms shimowada.

“im sorry im so dramatic. it was just a bicycle tire.”

“that’s ok. coming to school on a bicycle is miserable. you miss your friends and family and things here are so difficult for you.”

then, during 5th period as i went around the teachers room looking for white-out, i asked ms shimowada if she had some.

“i have some, but im not good at working it.” she was talking about the kind that is in tape-form.

once she found it in her desk, she tried to wind it up and get it to work. then i tried. then she took it back and tried again.

“see what i mean? everything is so difficult.”

“i know. i am very worried that you are going to be sad again. you are having an unlucky day.”

“that’s for sure.”

“maybe tomorrow will be a lucky day!”

“it better be because i cant take much more of this.”

and you know, just to add to the “unluckiness of the day”, maybe 10 minutes later, a thunder storm rolled in and rain fell in what looked like, solid sheets. turns out i could take more. a lot lot more.

somedays it feels as if all i am doing is fighting:

i fight the wind as i ride my bike.

i fight the kids as i plead for them to speak english.

i fight words i would really like to say.

i fight cold weather with layers and layers of clothes.

i fight thoughts of doubt with faith in people and my own abilities.

i fight the desire to eat only  marshmallows.

i fight a bad attitude with a put-on smile.

no wonder im exhausted by the end of the day, or just worn out come friday night. its hard to live a balanced life when all these inner-goings-on are non-stop for 2 years. 2 years = too long.

(no comments please)

I was searching through The Amazing Race website a week or so ago, and saw that they were in India. Then I saw an opportunity to write a review about the place and possibly have it posted on The Amazing Race website the following week. Here’s what I read:

Have you ever been to this week’s destination? Have you got any tips or tales to share with other travelers who might want to go there, or with anyone who wants to know more about the place? If so, please type your tale into the form below, then click SUBMIT. We’ll post our favorites here next week.

Today I went back to the site and looky-looky who turned out to be a favorite.

i forgot to write 2 little things from the enkai that i dont want to forget:

1.”boring teacher”, whose name i finally learned after a year or so of working at the same school as him, is “ueno sensei”, though this just hasnt replaced “boring teacher” in my head yet, and im pretty sure it never will. “boring teacher” is ironically so much more fun to say. anyway, i sat 2 people away from him at the enkai. i surveyed all the people sitting at my table, men and women:…old man…..she looks exactly like her daughter…why does he have to smoke WHILE he is eating…..does she realize she has sauce on her chin……gross teeth…..”boring teacher”. then i stopped, and stared at him. “boring teacher”, the more and more i looked at him, well, he started to look cute. i noticed his crows feet as he smiled while talking to other parents and how he has this really out of place tooth on the right side of his mouth. also only visible when he is smiling. and i noticed how, even though i know he’s “older” his skin looks young, and by george, he’s even kind of……dare i say it? CUTE. well, thats what i thought until today when i saw him in the hallway with his pants pulled up halfway between his belly button and his chest, because he is “setting an example for the students.” well, once i saw that, and had a little giggle to myself, then all thoughts of “CUTE” went out the window, and “boring teacher” climbed right back in.

2. while talking to ms shimowada, one of the mothers asked if she or i liked green tomatoes. i happily smiled and nodded, not thinking anything of it. next thing i know, she brings over a bag of them for me. nice. only problem is, i dont know if i like green tomatoes because i have never had green tomatoes. you see. i wasnt necessarily LYING when i said i liked them, its just that trying to explain that i have never had one, so i dont know if i like them or not….then dragged out to the normal “what type of vegetables do you like”….or “what type of vegetables do they eat in america?” well, ive been down the road too many times and just smiling, nodding, and looking liek you are really interested works like a charm everytime. well, every time OTHER than when one of the moms asks you if you like green tomatoes, because if you dont “just say no” youll be left with a bag of green tomatoes sitting in the window sill….just waiting for you to google “what to do with green tomatoes.” really. thats what they are saying. really. it is.

yet another experience of doing something i didnt want to do, but knew was right, turning out to be really good. last night’s enkai (party) was at the seifu hotel with about 50 teachers/PTS/alumni to say good bye/hello to old/new teachers.

i have come to the conclusion that, since the japanese are groomed to be such a uniformed society, which encourages them not to stick out, and never speak out, that when they finally do have the “platform”, so to speak, to speak out, they take advantage of it. as if it is the only time they will truly be heard. this explains the reason that everytime my principal gets up on stage during the wednesday morning assembly, he goes on and on and on and on and on speaking FOREVER. well, near to it, at least 20-30 minutes. this also explains why the 6 or so people who spoke at the party on and on and on. when really, all we were waiting to do was eat the food sitting in front of us and pour the beer/tea for the first “kompai!” let’s get a move on people.

once the first toast was made, people from each table made their way around the other tables to pour drinks for everyone else at every other table. this is really hard to explain, but pouring drinks for the japanese, is like, well, i dont know, we americans dont have anything like this. when the japanese dine/drink, no one pours their own drink. its a whole process, that once you understand, works all right. not PERFECTLY, thats for sure. most times, like last night, i never put my glass down because all the people who want  to pour tea for me, have me drinking non-stop in oreder to make room for more tea in my glass. then again, I have also been left MANY-a-times with an empty glass. in these cases, i cant pour my own if there is anyone around because, well, thats the japanese way. And i wouldnt ask “please pour me some…..” to my neighbor, because thats rude. Iit kind of acknowledges that the person wasnt paying attention to your glass, thus in a way, showing how rude they are. The only other option is to sit and die of thirst. Thats my choice. Why? Because these things (remember the uniformity of Japanese life) only last 2 hours and i cando ANYTHING for 2 hours. EXACTLY 2 hours. its at the end of the 2 hours that the party is officially ended with some kind of numbered clap (i still havent figured this out….since it seems to change EVERY time) and the guest/s of honor are rushed out of the place with excessive bowing to be had by all.

american me, didnt get up once to pour drinks. when i have in the past, the only thing i get from anyone is (in japanese): “i dont know english” or my favorite…..giggling women….giggling because i speak english or because they dont, i dont know. but after 18 months of giggling, im over it. in order to stay happy….i stay seated. it seems to have worked!

near the end of the night, i tapped inawei sensei, the former music teacher, on the shoulder and motioned for him to follow me over to one of the english teachers, also known by this time as, drunk ishikawa sensei. Ishikawa sensei helped me tell inawei sensei what a great music teacher and school band leader i think he is. and that i appreciated that he always invited me to times when the school band would play, even during hoidays. i found the way he was with the students to be so encouraging and participative. he even played the trumpet and/or electric guitar and/or piano during performances, all the while wearing whatever type of silly costume he made the girls in tha band wear. including, but not limited to; a suit and tie whenever the girls had to wear their school uniform, a neon pink shirt and hat for sports day, and the ever comical, santa costume for christmas time performances.  he allowed them to play fun music and the other students gained a level of respect for the school band members that was certainly non-existent before he got to the school. that to me is a sure sign of a good teacher and i wanted him to know that i thought he was a good teacher.

so you see, my $50 went to good use…..

1. I figured out why the Japanese talk so much when they give speeches.

2. I got to share my admiration for Inawei sensei’s teaching abilities.

3. I was never left without tea in my glass, therefore, guaranteeing a late night to bed from all the caffeine.

It’s all in a days work of being an English teacher in Japan.

days like these, where it happens to be the 20th of April and the sun is nowhere to be found because rain is a never ending sight…well, days like these…..i hate. before, on days when it would rain, i would be SO happy to call:

 ”hi. moka takushi desu.”

“yamazaki chu yon-ji yon-ju pun kudasai”

taking the taxi meant getting home earlier and without any bicycle-riding-effort. things have changed a bit since then. now, im SO ready to ride my bike home after the boredom of my days that i would almost rather fight the wind and rain to ride my bike home than to jump in the taxi and the comfort of its plastic covered backseats. but, since i know for sure i am not going to be able to run outside after i get home, and may not be able to make it to the gym tonight to swim, well, all hope seems lost and taking a taxi seems to fit in with the scene of lost hope.

there is a enkai party tonight at seifu hotel. tonights occasion: welcome to the new teachers and goodbye to the teachers from last year who were sent to other schools.since i havent gone to the last couple of “parties” i thought i may be exempt from this one too. that is until i was asked, for the bargain price of 5000 yen ($50), to attend the party tonight. i didnt think fast enough to get out of it with an excuse, plus, im one to do the right thing, the thing that i SHOULD do, instead of the thing i WANT to do, so, im going to the party. all in the name of “good intentions!” i wouldnt mind paying $50 for a party if i liked the company, the food, and drank a WHOLE bunch. but only one person speaks to me (my english teacher), im NOT a fan of noodles or fried food, and i dont drink….but if i did….let me tell you, $50 is a bargain price for one of these parties for those who drink. these things are all-you-can-drink. usually, most people dont even eat a thing, but drink they do. you can even smell it on the teachers in the mornings after these parties. usually, since i dont drink, and the japanese have this custom of not filling their own glasses, but those of everyone around them, i subsitute alcohol for olong tea. by the end of the night, i have had about 10 or 15 glasses of olong tea and am WIRED. in the past i have spent the nights talking with an intoxicated marin, but those days are gone as well. now, its just me at 2-12-2 namiki cho.

me….wired on tea….all for the sake of good intentions.

soon i will write in my blog about how OUT OF IT i am right now to almost ALL THINGS AMERICAN. but, quickly, before AMERICA goes and votes for the next “american idol”, i would like to declare that a “white-male” will win American idol. you can ask marin, i told her this WAY back in the beginning of the show, so i promise im not making my predictions now that 4 of the 7 contestants are “white-males.” it just so happens to turn out that way. and for my guess of which of the “white-males” it will be, its official. i am choosing:

CONSTANTINE MAROULIS